We had been moving forward with "N," knowing how much we loved the place and how well Lala had thrived, but again, I made the mistake of forgetting to consider the differences in our children. While every child needs a nurturing environment, I think Finnian will need more stimulation in a preschool environment and he will be much older starting kindergarten than Lala, so will need a place where he can grow and will be challenged as he gets older.
I sadly had to acknowledge that "N" probably isn't the best place for Finn Luca. It felt like breaking up with a good friend. I am going to miss "N" so much. I had assumed when we said good bye with Lala, that we would be back with Finn, but we have found "C," a preschool we are really excited about for Finn. In fact, Lala went to the sister school of "C" before she went to "N" and one of the first pleasant moments of my visit was that the director remembered exactly who Lala was and asked if Eeyore (no Disney strings attached for my Lala bug) was still Lala's lovey. (Yep.) So, we move forward, reminded again to choose for the child.
And Lala...
Recently, my daughter's class went on an overnight field trip. While we didn't leave her overnight, we did arrange for her to be with her class the entire day portion. I didn't chaperon, but I did join the group mid-afternoon. I thought she would be thrilled to see me when I arrived. She's always stuck close...to me, to dada, to her teacher. So I was surprised and frustrated when she was rude towards me, then politely asked me to please go away. And I was hurt when she later told me that she didn't want me there and was not having fun with me on that particular day.
How funny it is that we can want something so much for our children - confidence, happiness, self-security, friendships with peers - all those things that make for emotionally healthy individuals, yet when it all happens, we, as parents, can feel so left behind, no longer needed. Bittersweet.
One thing I wasn't ready for with kindergarten was how much Lala would grow up. It seemed to happen all at once. The first half of the year was such a challenge. Who knew that the second half of the year would produce such an incredibly smart girl who just doesn't need mamma quite so much...at drop-off, at the dentist, in the swimming pool, on field trips? I know. I remember, on the day I posted photos of her first day of school, several of you telling me this was going to happen . But here I am. And I didn't expect to feel as though my little girl would disappear so suddenly.
I have said this before, but we love her small charter school. It is the perfect educational setting for her. Small, diverse, musically focused, and the teachers are wonderful. (Have I mentioned how much I am going to miss her kindergarten teacher as Lala moves on to first grade?) She learns so much we can't teach her and it allows us to supplement her education at home in both intentional and unintentional ways (because there is so much we can teach her at home that she can't learn at school!), a term I recently read referred to as "after schooling."
All that said, it wasn't until she began school that I began to consider homeschooling. I don't know that I am cut out for it, that she and I would manage together without going a bit crazy, but the thought of having her close a little bit longer, the thought of shutting out Disney, of avoiding mean kids, of having her believe me rather than a classmate, of remaining naive to gender stereotyping (yes, boys can be fairies and girls can be superheroes, thank you very much!)...all of that appeals to me.
But I know that won't keep her (or Finnian) from growing up. And I don't suppose I really want to. I just don't want it to all go by so quickly.
