these days...

two things:
1) i will draw names for the pumpkin seed give away tonight, so please leave a comment today on that post if you are interested and haven't already.
2) a new examiner article is up: frugal activities to do with kids, part 1

lala's school campus. isn't it beautifully hidden in the trees?

recently, i wound my way back through my own blog and was touched by how much has changed and how glad i felt to have little and big life happenings documented here. with that in mind, i decided that, today, i feel like sharing a little bit more of what is going on in this world of mine. i would love to hear what's going on in your world and welcome any thoughts or experiences you care to share about what's going on in mine.

while nothing in our world has been life threatening, and i think daily of the people in my life who are struggling with far more serious issues, these past months (i can't even put my finger on how many....a lot of them) have been shaken by several issues that had just worn me down by the time i decided to take blog break a couple of weeks ago.

the pinecones little finnian collected on our latest walk

at the moment, finn and mike are fine. this is a relief so huge, i cannot express it well in words, so i won't try. i am elated by finn's excitement and wonder and developments these past few weeks. he has started potty training all on his own, sometimes using his potty without telling me he needs to or that he already did! he's following the family trend of being a nature lover and has begun collecting little bits of his own when we go out for walks.

finn is using the potty! we have several. this one is in the kids' room

isabella and i? we are making progress. while lala is in good health, she has been challenging us with her at-home behavior. she is a sweet, loving, smart girl who has a few quirky tendencies that most 5 year olds i know don't have. i have had many moments of worry in my 5 years as a mamma. somehow, in the last few weeks, some of those worries struck me very hard as being recurrent. over and over i have worried, been frustrated with, empathetic to, embarrassed by, and exhausted by a little trio of behaviors from lala. behaviors she doesn't seem to display at school. but it wasn't until about a month ago, within a span of several days, three people whose opinions mean the world to me and whose experiences give them credibility, expressed concern about these same behaviors.

flowers mike brought to me after a very, very rough day

it felt like our little parenting world became very shaky. is she "normal?" is she stressed? depressed? does she have ODD? sensory integration disorder? is it just a parenting problem? somehow, i went from 'this is just a phase' into a consuming worry about where she is developmentally, that she needs help beyond us, that we should have done something differently early on to prevent issues we are having now.

i've read A LOT in the last couple of weeks. i have read about typical 5 year olds, behavioral and mental health issues, other parents' experiences, about various parenting and teaching styles, and more. i've talked A LOT in the last couple of weeks. i've talk with parent friends, social workers, pediatricians, family, and with a consultant at the natural parenting center. (this last one was a serendipitous win of a give-away on soule mama.)

reading everything we can get our hands on

i am still reading, talking, processing, learning, and yes, worrying. but all of these things are leading me to changes in myself, my behavior, my parenting, my communication with mike, our approaches with lala, and in turn, i am seeing little shifts in her. her outbursts aren't daily anymore. she calms more quickly. she's conquered a couple of fears. she seems a little happier. and she does communicate her feelings, even if her style is a bit rough around the edges.
and that reassures me and gives me a boost as i continue to explore how to connect and support both of our children and their very unique personalities.

these parenting worries are what have been weighing most heavily on me, but they have been compounded by a series of staph infections i have had. i seem to be the only one around here affected, apparently because of my eczema (which, while horrid in the past, is only mild right now). so to tackle staph, i went on an extensive round of antibiotics.

during this, i had a spell of feeling horrible pain and achiness head-to-toe, so i took myself into the doctor, where i was tested for a number of things, and....i have lyme disease. it is early stage, so treatable, however, lyme requires a different antibiotic. so here i am again, on a month long course of another antibiotic. and this one is just kicking my butt. (sarah, mollie is one tough cookie.) i spent the first day on it, sick. since then, i have noticed a huge mood shift. i cannot seem to shake the grouchies, which has, in turn, affected my ability to be the zen mamma i need to be to continue supporting lala's (and finn's, of course) positive developments.

lala thoroughly enjoying hi-ho cherry-o (thanks, lisa h!), which she chose from the reward box after a stretch of really great behavior

so this is where i am, today. if you read this far, you are a star. mostly, though, this post is a document for myself, so a year from now, i remember where i was and can see how far i have come. because some days, it feels like weeks pass and i have made no movement at all....